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The term “gaslighting” dates back a long time, but it has regained currency recently, generally in the context of violence against women.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as:
"Psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator."
Its origin is the 1938 play Gas Light, by British horror writer Patrick Hamilton, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is insane.
There were two film adaptations, the second and most famous in 1944 starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. The recent focus on violence against women has given “gaslighting” a new lease on life – and Merriam-Webster made it word of the year in 2022.
It is sometimes used to refer to a form of elder abuse, where it’s aimed at older people to make them unsure, unconfident, and ultimately vulnerable to mental and emotional control and manipulation.
Catriona Davis-McCabe, president of the Australian Psychological Society, told the ABC that gaslighting can happen in all kinds of relationships and settings where one person wants to gain power over another.
“This might include intimate relationships, friendships, professional [relationships] with a boss or co-worker, even parent to child,” she said.
Another form is “medical gaslighting” when a patient’s concerns are unfairly dismissed or incorrectly labelled as psychological by their doctor.
The term is commonly used in the context of intimate partner violence as a deliberate strategy to gain control over a victim.
Respect Victoria acting CEO Serina McDuff told the ABC that abusers often use “flat-out denial tactics” – often in response to claims of inappropriate behaviour.
Warning signs
Gaslighting can be difficult to spot – especially when you are the victim. People who use this as a form of abuse and control are adept at doing so in ways that happen over time.
The person using gaslighting may present very different to other people in their lives, as is often the case with men who use violence against women and could be well liked in the broader community.
Examples of gaslighting older people may include them being told:
“Your memory is starting to go.”
“You’re going mad in your old age.”
“That never happened, you’re crazy.”
Manipulation is when the abuser makes their victim feel as if their only choice is to do whatever the abuser wants them to do. The victim is made to feel that:
They owe something to the abuser.
They cannot live without the abuser.
They should feel guilty for doing something or not doing something.
Everyone except the abuser is against them.
Victims can feel that they have no option but to do what the abuser tells them to do.
With elderly people, this sort of gaslighting can be a strategy used by someone who wants control over their money. More than 60% of elder-abuse victims experience financial abuse.
This may involve the abuser:
spending the victim’s money without permission
misusing an Enduring Power of Attorney
making important financial decisions without consulting the victim
telling the victim they are too old to manage their own finances.
Ms McDuff says it’s a red flag if you're feeling uncertain and made to feel confused or doubt yourself.
What to do
If you suspect that you are a victim of gaslighting, talk to someone you trust, or call 1800 RESPECT.
“It can be important to pick up early, as it can also be an indication of some serious safety issues,” Ms McDuff says.
If you suspect someone you know is a victim of gaslighting, Dr Davis-McCabe recommends talking to the person about what you are witnessing and letting them know you are concerned about them.
She suggests helping them make a safety plan, including things they can do to protect themselves if they feel unsafe, and encouraging them to seek professional help.
"Gaslighting is not part of any healthy relationship. The impact on victim-survivors can be devastating," Dr Davis-McCabe says.
More information about elder abuse, gaslighting of older people, and what you can do to stop it is available from Relationships Australia.